Relationship Blah

When you fist met your husband were you in 'lust'? Was it crazy in love, can't be away from each other, can't stop thinking about each other amazingness? I understand that feeling doesn't last. You stop 'putting on a show' with each other after a while. You start showing 'the real you'. He starts to see you without your hair and makeup done. You start to see his dirty socks all over the floor. You stop pretending to be wonderful amazing perfect people and feel comfortable enough with each other to be who you are. I think if you find someone like that it can be great, but it can also suck. To have someone that you love so much that you know they will love you no matter what you look like or what messes you leave out is great. It's just if you get into that 'funk' of either not doing, or not having time to do all of those perfect little things you used to do for each other when you first it can start to suck. When you do actually find the time to make yourself 'beautiful' like you used to and it goes un-noticed or you don't get the reactions you used to. When you go to bed and don't sleep in each others arms all night, or even for the first 2 minutes. When you try to talk about your emotions and instead of being consoled like before, you get eye rolls for your 'overly-emotional-you must be PMS'ing' feelings. Right now I am in this funk. The stress of work, house, bills, kids, has taken over my husband and I can't find a way out. I have tried everything from crying to wearing high heels and a pretty little something something standing there when he got home from work. Nothing works with him. It's like the only time I get attention is if it's Valentines day or something like that. So, I decided to stop trying. I am sick of it. I am sick of being so damn lonely in a house when I shouldn't be. I want to smack him and make him realize that all of these things that he stresses about are nothing compared to family and time with the ones you love because you never know when it will end! I didn't sleep in our bed last night. Not because of any of this though. See, Yesturday I took my 2 youngest kids to the doctor to find out they had Coxackie virus. Yah, you're thinking, "What the HELL is that!? That's what I was thinking too! So, they slept all afternoon which means they were up all night. I was up all night before dealing with sick kids. I didn't get to take a nap on the couch but here I am, up the next night too and where is my husband? Sleeping soundly all by himself in a king sized bed at 9:30 at night. Now granted, most people go to bed around that time but we don't. We always stay up until at LEAST 12:00 so I was not happy with him. He didn't kiss me goodnight. We fought about stuff before he went upstairs. Actully, HE argued with me while I sat there and just listened because everytime I try to talk he gets more mad and I didn't feel like dealing with him since I was so tired. I just rolled my eyes and nodded my head, "Sure hubby, whatever you say." So, I had to sleep in my daughter's room on my step-daughters bunk so the little ones would sleep. There really was no other way that they were going to sleep. So, hubby this morning tells me that he woke up at 3 AM and couldn't go back to sleep because I wasn't in bed. He asked why I wasn't in bed. I know he was thinking I was mad at him and that's why he cared and was giving me his puppy dog eyes, rubbing my hair with his hand. As soon as I informed him that it had nothing to do with him, his puppy dog eyes disappeared, he stopped rubbing my hair, and he didn't seem to care as much. I tried talking about how little sleep I got again, second night in a row but since I wasn't mad at him he didn't care much. Did I get a hug? No. He did kiss me goodbye before he left for work, just a usual routine, not a kiss of meaning really. Stress takes over him. That's all he thinks about or consumes himself with and how dare I bring up these petty relationship problems to him! Oh, and yah, I added to the stress Yesturday too. Driving home from the doctor, I had called hubby from the parking lot to tell him the strange virus his daughters had and didn't hang the phone up before I started driving and got nabbed by a copper and got a freaking ticket for driving while on a cell phone. Freaking unbeleiveable!!! I hardly EVER talk on my phone, no one EVER calls it and the ONLY time I use it is to talk to hubby. I am not one of those people who's phone is always ringing and always in their ear, but I am the one who got a ticket. Yah, Yah, Yah, it doesnt matter, I did something illegal and I except that, it's just MAN!!