I am taking one moment at a time, trying to remain calm, trying to remind myself that I am ok, that I am not going to die. I saw my DR and got on new anxiety meds, which seem to help me feel calm and relaxed, as long as I don't let my mind get away from me. Keeping myself busy helps. Avery and Brielle's closets are so clean and organized, lol. It feels good to have that done. I even went in last night just to look at it and admire all of the hard work I did to it. After my DR appt I had an appt with the specialist. I had an hour to kill before that appt though, so I stopped by the cemetary to visit my grandfather's grave. Whenever I am asked who my herois, I always say my grampy. He died in 1999, when my oldest was not even a year old. He died because he was having problems and the hospital gave him coagulants to thicken his blood which caused a stroke. I went to visit him before he died and I was talking to him and crying and even though he couldn't move or talk, I know he was there because he was crying too. I want to make him proud, I want to be like him. He was perfectly fine, always working outside, driving, taking trips... he was a wonderful man. I lived right next to him growing up so I spent a lot of time with him outside, helping him mow lawns, following him around.... He lived life. I went to his grave and cried. I asked him to be with me, give me the strenght to live life like he had. Enjoy everything. This past weekend I was so bad that I was just not functional at all. It helped to talk to him, to get things out, to cry.
So, right now I am keeping myself busy, I am not on the computer too much. I am sorry for all of those who look foward to the Sunday Morning Paper freebie, I just can't do it right now. I take every moment as it comes. I try to breathe better, I don't yell, I don't laugh too hard. I try to remind myself that my body will work the way it is meant to work. My throat is ok and will be ok. I just need some time to get back to being me, to living life like my grandfather did. The computer isn't important. My kids, my husband, my family, and my health are.
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7 friends stopped by to say...:
You are exactly right! Sometimes hitting the off button is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. Take time to figure out where you go off course.
Glad you are doing a little better
today...we will all survive without you, but will miss you. Taking care
of yourself is #1.
We all hope to see you again soon...
Nice to hear you're doing a little better now Jeanelle. You're in my thoughts and prayers always... miss you around :) Hope to hear from you soon... take care!
Amen, Sister-Friend :)
Hi Jeanelle, I live thousands of miles away, in the UK but my heart goes out to you. I have been right where you are and I still feel the anxiety you feel some days. It is best to take every day as it comes and if it is a good day, then great, if it is an awful day then think I did my best, hopefully tomorrow will be better. I really feel for you, the whole been married for years and all, it rang so true and probably is the same for 95% of married couples but it is not fair is it!! My children are all quite grown up now, 16, 18 (going to Uni in 19 days, how will I cope without my best friend!!) and my eldest daughter is 23 and living miles away. I do hope you feel well tomorrow, I will be thinking about you. Sue x
I too find that the computer leads me to focus on other people's lives when I should be focusing on my own, so turn it off and clear your mind! : ) We're thinking of you.
Jeanelle, I am happy to hear that you are getting some relief. We, of course, miss you..but we will survive and I am sure you will be back to your old self soon. I was very touched to read about your "grampy" and it brought tears to my eyes. I am glad you visited him..it helps me to go up to the cemetary and visit my parents when I am down. Take care my friend..and hugs to the kiddos.
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