Monday, April 10, 2006

Had a rough day

Posted by JeanellePaige at 9:21 PM
Well, today I had conferences with the kids teachers. I didn't tell my ex about them because 1.He had to work , and 2.They are usually quick simple meetings.
Well, today was not simple, nor quick.
Aidan's conference went well. He is doing better than he ever has been. The only thing he needs to work on is slowing down and taking his time. He likes to rush and be the first one done, get it done fast to go onto the next thing.... kind of like me, lol!

Avery's was a different story. She is still having socialization problems, clinging to her teacher, not really wanting to participate in a group, can't remember all of the things that she should be by now, happy and content in her own little world, feeling un-confident in herself to be able to do the things that she can.....
The teacher said she isn't that far behind that she wants to hold her back, but she is afraid if she goes onto first grade she will get even further behind. She suggested summer school, but the summer school program is not very ono-on-one and helpful to students who need extra help. There's another thing she suggested, Pre-1st grade. This is a great program with lots of extra help and great specialized teachers. The thing is, if she does this, it will mean she goes into this grade while everyone else goes into 1st, and then when she should be in second, that's when she will start 1st, so she will be a year behind. Also, it is a totally different school than the one she is in now. She will be getting on a different bus than Aidan and going to a different school than him for a whole year! I got ahold of my ex at work and he and his new wife came by to talk to Brian and me. We all decided that this Pre-1st program would be the best thing for Avery. My mother, who is a teacher, sayd that going to a different school and getting on a different bus will be good for her independance, but working with special teachers for a whole nother year might make her feel dependant on them.
So, while the teahcer was telling me all of this, I wanted to cry. My eyes started to well up. I really had to stop myself from breaking down. Things like this really make a parent feel like they are just not doing their job. Avery's teacher is really great. Aidan had her, and I requested her especially for Avery, and will be doing the same for Brielle and Jillian too. She really is a wonderful teacher. So, then I think it must be me, a bad mom, my daughter is behind, maybe I had too many kids and I can't give her the one-on-one time that she needs, maybe she has middle-child syndrome, maybe this and maybe that....... Then I need to step back and realize that this isn't about me, it's about Avery and what Avery needs. I can't sit here and think those things, I need to take a deep breath, try my hardest, learn new things to try and do with her. I also need to realize that all kids are different. Avery has always been introverted, and observer, a dreamer.... this is who she will always be, but I can help her to be the BEST her.
So, the teacher is going to email me with more info about this program, info about things that I can do with her here at home. I just hope that I can do the best that I can for my daughter.

10 friends stopped by to say...:

HaleyW on 4/11/2006 7:07 AM said...

Oh, (((HUGS))) Jeanelle! I'm so sorry that you are having to work through this, although it sounds like you have really spent some time in good thought and your head is on the right track. The fact that you want to help her be the best her shows that your heart and head are coming together. Don't stress too much -- kids are so resilient. If she ends up with another group of kids, she'll be just fine.

Best of luck!! I'll be praying for you!

Kathy Moore on 4/11/2006 7:18 AM said...

Hugs from me, too... You are a GREAT MOM! Just listen to yourself in that post...a bad mom wouldn't be putting that much thought into how to help her child. As parents, we all do the best we can do for our children and that's the best we can do. Love them, teach them, be there for them...but they are their own little people with their own little personalities and sometimes parts of those personalities can cause challenges for both the parents and the children...that is just part of the package. You are doing a great job trying to think everything through and make the best decision for her and that right there shows how much you love her and what a great mom you are!

Hang in there, sweetie! It'll work out!

Michelle on 4/11/2006 8:01 AM said...

{{HUGS}} Jeanelle, you are doing great. Every mom second guesses herself from time to time. We want to do the best we can for our kids so it's only natural to think "what could I have done differently?" I am sure that both of you will do great. It's good that she has a teacher who will look out for her the way she does. (My 6 year old son has a wonderful teacher. We just love her! But my older son was a different story and that's why I decided to homeschool him) In some places kids aren't so lucky to have great teachers like that. Chin up. Things will work out just fine.

Jheri on 4/11/2006 12:21 PM said...

you ARE a great mom!! As everyone else has said if you were you wouldn't have put some much thought into what to do.

You will get through this and it will be ok, and Avery will be the BEST she can be because of this.

Hugs to you my friend.

Gina on 4/11/2006 4:12 PM said...

{{{Jeanelle}}} You ARE a good mom! I think it's great that you and Brian sat down w/your ex and his wife to discuss what is best for Avery and came to the same conclusion. That proves that you're a GREAT mom!

And...I'm totally cracking up that one of your CT members lives "just outside" Little Rock. I bet she and I are neighbors and don't even know it. LOL

{Paige} on 4/11/2006 9:02 PM said...

Did you ever think being a mom would be so hard?? Your doing a great job and I think we all second guess ourselves once in awhile. As an educator I wish pre-lst had been an option for my son. He didn't need to repeat Kinder but I knew he was going to have a hard time in 1st. We don't have pre-lst here anymore and these kinds of programs have become harder to find in the last few years. I'm sure you will make the best decision for Avery!

Debbie on 4/14/2006 2:40 PM said...

Oh hun, you're doing the right thing. Take it from a mom that held back two in the same year for different reasons. (I asked to have my dd held back, and my son had to be for stoopid reasons, but he's really blossomed because of it - he's a Sophomore in h.s. now and had straight A's last quarter.) Think of this as a new learning experience, not something negative. It's actually a plus she's going to a different school. The kids from her kindergarten class might make fun of her next year, but in two years most of that will be forgotten.

You're giving Avery a wonderful chance to become the student and person she was meant to be. No regrets, ok? Just think positive!

Lots of ((((((HUGS)))) to all of you!!

Boni said...

I held my youngest daughter back in 1s grade She wasnt reading up to where she needed to be ...I had her held back despite allthe teacher stuff /she didnt not feel left behind became a great reader and last year ahe got her associated degree in accounting with a 3.7 grade point and now shes almost reday to get her batchlors .She has thanked me again and again for holding her back I hope this helps you and remember the turtle and the hare !
My sons super gifted and isnt in college Go figure !

Rachael Giallongo on 4/15/2006 7:45 AM said...

Awwwwww, I am sorry to hear this, hon. Know that your daughters struggles are not a reflection on you as a parent. The fact that you cared enough to blog this shows you are a very concerned and caring parent.

laura said...

I know the feeling. Trust me mine is now 18 almost 19 and they do grow up ok. It was so hard going to those confrences, especially alone. You feel like the worst mother on the face of the earth. But remember JUST LOVE THEM and they grow up great. Kathy is right, they are all different, and wouldn't it be a dull world if they weren't???

By the By I can't get into the store. I have been trying now for a couple of days and I can't it's like it's a busy line???

I'll try again latter tonight while everyone shold be asleep :)

Hold your head high and remember they will grow at there own pace and be who THEY want to be.

Best of luck, and God bless..


..Life.. as I know it. {JPDESIGNS}