Sunday, September 17, 2006

Still not 'normal'

Posted by JeanellePaige at 12:35 PM
Really, WTF IS normal? Well, I know it's not this. I know it's not having panic attacks all of the time, not feeling like you can't look into the future because there is none for you. I keep feeling that I am going to die. I am not sure of what, just I know I am going to die. It's all in my head, it is. Stupid brain. I feel like my mind is being tortured by my body and my brain. Tortured. I have been working on a new kit, but usually I can pull a kit out in a day, maybe 2. This time it's been over a week now. I feel alone. I have a house full of people (kids) and a hubby and I still feel alone! Crazy!!
So, I gave in and started a MySpace account trying to find some old friends. I was looking for my old best friend Tracy, but ironically came across an old boyfriend. My 'first' boyfriend if you get my drift. Man I was so young and stupid when I was with him, lol. He was a great guy, broke my heart, but hey, you move on, and get your heart broken again, lol. It's nice talking to him. I have periodically thought about him, wondered where he was, what he was doing. I'm glad he's doing well. I still haven't found the friend I was looking for. I guess if she wanted to find me it would be easy enough. Just type in my first name in google and my blog is #3. I wish my site was, but oh well, lol.
Well, it's nice out, so i am going to let the kids play outside. Once again, sorry for the Sunday Morning Paper Freebie. I am a horrible buisness woman, I just can't design lately. I hope soon, I hope.

3 friends stopped by to say...:

{Paige} on 9/17/2006 1:27 PM said...

I'm sorry that your still not feeling well! I can't even imagine how it must feel to experience these attacks, but it must be terrifying! Hang in there and PLEASE take care of yourself. {{{HUGS}}}

Dawnee said...

awww Jeanelle, I am sad to hear that you are still having difficulties. I am on medication for clinical depression and have been for 8 years. I know how you are feeling. I hope the meds start working..or that your brain just lets you be!! Take care and create when you feel like it!

Anonymous said...

Asalamalaykom Jeanelle,

Do you ever think that creating so much is sapping you of your energy? Maybe? And on the internet, there are so many people you feel you need to produce for.

Maybe you aren't getting what you need in this deal. Are you? What are you getting out of creating in this way? What is it costing you?

I'm not a big believer in medicine. I'm a much more into delving into the heart of the matter. What is really going on with you?

Are you speaking to anyone? Counselor? Therapist? Minister? There are many people...hey, I saw a counselor for a time. Lots of people have.

What if you spoke all these thoughts to a counselor and left the blog for the creative stuff and your business? That might be better.

These are just ideas. I'm creative too! But, I'm not you, so many none of them work for you. I hope, God willing, there will be something I write to you that helps.


..Life.. as I know it. {JPDESIGNS}