Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Weird enlightening day

Posted by JeanellePaige at 11:21 AM
So I went to the doctor Yesturday. It was a follow-up appointment for an appointment I had before. My doc had prescribed me Wellbutrin. I had a BAD reaction to it and decided not to take it again. It made me feel stupid and depressed. My kids would be right next to me talking to me and it would take me a minute to figure out what they were saying. I had to drive just next door and I sat there after I stopped the car trying to remember what to do next. I mean I couldn't even remember that I had to put the carin park and take the key out! Then I got really depressed and just wanted to lay there and cry fo no reason at all. I HATED it and just couldn't fathom getting up the next day and swallowing that pill to do that to myself again. So I asked my doc to give me something different. First of all, Wellbutrin is an anti-depressant. I was going to take it to quit smoking. It's a BAD BAD habit that I NEED to quit. I have anxirty though so that was a bad pill for me, lol. Anyway, I got talking to my doc about how my anxiety has gotten worse. I was explaining the thoughts that go on in my head and the weird little things that I do. I was totally convinced that even though I had irrational thoughts I still had this under control. She told me I didn't, that it was controlling me. Then she told me I have OCD too. I knew that I had weird things that I did but I didn't think of myself having OCD. I just thought I was weird! LOL! I have these crazy irrational fears of something bad happening to me or the kids. I obsess abou them too and they have made me change things. Like.. I won't get into my car without making sure no strange men are near...I won't wash the big kitchen knives because every time I hold one I just picture it slipping out of my hands when a kid is standing next to me.... while I am driving I am constantly turning around and counting the kids to make sure they are all there because what if I left one at home or at the store, even if I just checked 60 seconds ago!! There's other weird little things I think and also do. So, it's weird to me thinking that I have OCD. It's mild I guess. I mean I have heard of bad OCD and I don't consider myself bad. So now I am on a new med, just for anxiety. I asked her if it was something that I couldn't just stop taking or had to wean off from later on because what if I lost my insurance or what if the healthcare system should 'crash' and I couldn't get the pill anymore.... Yah, anxiety, LOL!! She laughed. So I took it and it didn't give me that BAD feeling the other one did. I am excited about this. I think it may help me quit smoking too just because I don't have a physical addiction, it's more of a mental one. I only smoke like 2 packs a week. I just smoke as habit, or when I am bored, or when I am anxious or thinking those crazy thoughts. I talked to my mom last night too and found out a lot of these things that I have run in the family and I didn't even know it! let's see... just what I have... colitis, diverticulosis (didn't know you could have both), ADD, anxiety, OCD.. MAN I am messed up! LOL!
So, I wanted to type that out here in my 'little online diary' because getting it out does feel better. I am a little hesitant to post it for the public to read because some people may judge, but I also think some people may understand and relate so I will post it. Well, I am off to work on my new Digi-Dazzlers! Gems you can add to your LO's!! Here's a peek of one of them. I am doing a whole alphaset too!!

1 friends stopped by to say...:

Kathy Moore on 6/19/2006 6:02 PM said...

Well, shoot. I know this was something you really wanted to do and I'm sorry... I say it's your decision. BUT, one thing to think about. If it's hot where you live, it might be better to wait 'til the end of the summer so you can continue to keep it up so it will be cool and then cut it in the fall. That way, it might grow enough for you to donate it and it will be easier to deal with it in cooler weather...just my .02.


..Life.. as I know it. {JPDESIGNS}